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I Wish


I wish you could see the me God sees

Then how would you feel about the glitter

That is not gold....just the stuff of fools

If you could see the hypocrite

The failure, the massive procrastinator

The liar God placed His truth in

Could you love me? Could you live with me?

I wish you could see, the me God knows

The scared child he holds so securely

The one who gets easily distracted

Can't quite learn the lessons right

If you could see her, you'd see i'm not saved 'cause i'm good or perfect

I’m saved because I need my saviour daily, desperately

Literally He is the air I breathe

But you don't see and I must be glad

Because God in this is gracious to me.

God in this is not protecting me but

His Perfect purposes to be revealed in me

Because the vessel may be cracked but

The great carpenter is working on filling the cracks,

So she may be His Vessel, filled and Poured out

For the greater Glory of God

So….Let’s discus….shall we….

Scriptures referenced:

Psalm 42

Important Links: - I Wish (Podcast Version) AR8P Youtube Channel

Whew. This one is vulnerable for me yaall. It is probably the most transparent piece i’ve ever written, just putting it together to talk to you guys about it is….hard, nerve wracking even. Yes, it is true, I your dear Vessel, who writes the poems and the articles, does the videos, the same one who reps Christ and talks about Him and teaches about Him and spreads His truth to the masses….has sometimes sinned, even as a christian young woman. And I’m not just talking about those cute “little” sins that most of yall might scoff at. I mean I’ve been at or near every section of the sin spectrum you can think of….mhm yes probably including that one that just came to your mind. And yes, as a believer, during my over a decade long Christian walk I have sinned or almost sinned, at times gravely and knowingly. So, who am I? Who am I to do what I do now? Who am I to talk to you about Christ and living right and knowing Christ? I have no problem telling you.

I am Ruth, a friend of God. I am she who Jesus redeemed. I am none other than Vessel, an instrument God fashioned, formed and is constantly refining to be a golden vessel, worthy of use in His kingdom. I am His Vessel, whom He has chosen, who He fills and whom He causes to be poured out for His people and at His feet daily. This is my identity in Christ. This is who I am and the only measure by which I am defined. By Christ I am saved, by Christ I am called and only Christ I chase.

Bold statement you’d rightly think, for a self-confessed little no good sinner girl. But that is not how God defines me and hence that is not who I am, I can only be who my creator has said I am and therefore I am that. Only His truth is THE truth, by it I am defined, saved and commissioned. That’s it. Truthfully, if there is anyone on earth that knows and can testify to the truth of 2 Corinthians 5:17 “…all things are become knew..” I CAN. That’s why I can’t be anything else, I can’t be you, he, she or the other, I have to be the masterpiece under construction that I am. God knows I am not perfect but He has called me His own REGARDLESS. My sins and short comings are not hidden from my Father but yet He does not identify me by them. He does not even make them known to the world despite how much I deserve to have them destroy me. He preserves me and He does so in furtherance of His purposes. I can be confident in asserting that I am His Vessel, His tool to be used in the earth because I know that this is the perspective, the choice, the operation of the one who saved me. I am because He is, I am because He has made me. No more and certainly no less, bare attitude back ah dat cah mi seh it wid mi chest (translation: I said what I said.). Confident in me because I’m confident in HIM. Period.

When I had just stated this blog and youtube space and chose to refer to myself here as Vessel, this is why. I wasn’t trying to hide my identity and I do sometimes use my name on here or on the youtube channel or during live events. But I maintain that I am just Vessel, here in particular. Only as an indicator to others and as a reminder to myself that all I am is a daughter of the King of Kings, a tool, an instrument refined, forged and purified in fire daily until that day when He reveals the gold He caused me to be. I know my sins, failures and mistakes and I sometimes wish you could see them too because maybe then you’d understand what God has done and continues to do in me. Maybe in knowing the extent of the grace, love, mercy and restoration He has executed and still executes in me. I said, IF YOU KNEW WHAT JESUS HAS DONE FOR ME AND IN ME….you would align yourself with Him. Expeditiously. You wouldn’t let another day pass before choosing Christ, the treasure of salvation.

Even though I deserve the shame, the embarrassment and death as the wages of my sin God does not allow for me to be disgraced, not for my sake but Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam – For the Greater Glory of God.

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